Maturity

Maturity is the ability to cope with oneself. To cope with one’s own life — physically, financially, socially, psychologically, emotionally. Small children cannot cope on their own — that is why adults take care of children. Not only take care of them, but also foster growth — maturity.

We can only teach others what we ourselves know how to do. If we ourselves have not matured, then we will not be able to teach maturity to our children.

A person can be grown up but not mature. A person can be old and die without ever having experienced maturity. Being physically and financially mature seems to be the simplest — coping with one’s body, clothing, housing, food. Earning a livelihood, a place to live. It is also easier to teach.

Being psychologically and emotionally mature is much harder. Coping with one’s thoughts, emotions. With memories, the past. With fantasies, desires, cravings, and impulses. With the mind.

If there is no maturity, we blame others for our lives. At the same time, we seek a solution/savior in others. Not help that would assist me in coping on my own, but precisely a savior — “make it so that I feel good!”

Help comes in many forms. A person cannot cope with emotions and seeks help in addictions, substances. In working hours or athletic achievements. Seeks help in hobbies and relationships. Most often, this is not really help but relief or a brief respite, yet it is still better than not coping — tormenting oneself and thereby tormenting those around you.

If we seek real help, that is already a sign of developing maturity. One could say there are several steps here — noticing when I am not coping, asking for help, and being able to accept and use it — each requires ever greater maturity.

There is also professional help — psychotherapy, psychology. Coaches and advisors. Clergy and meditation teachers. If the professional help is truly of high quality, then its ultimate goal is to ensure that next time the person copes on their own — to provide tools and skills so the person can cope with themselves — fostering this very maturity.

It is gratifying to hear when a person says — thank you, I have mastered what was taught and from here I will cope on my own.

It is pleasant to be in the presence of a mature person. It is liberating and healing. The mature person needs nothing (from you). They expect nothing. This does not mean that mature people do not engage in relationships — because satisfying unfulfilled needs is not the only reason to be together. But in these relationships, drama is absent. It is beautiful, peaceful, and deep.

Maturity is the ability to cope with oneself.